After working the first step and realizing that I truly was powerless over my alcoholism and my life had become COMPLETELY unmanageable, I was humbled . For some reason I had a feeling of finality . I was hoping that there was something, somewhere that could provide me relief, and give me some “rails to run on”.
When I worked the second step is it then I feel I embarked upon my “spiritual experience” and journey into a different life.
Power… that is what I lacked! I needed a Power that could provide me a safety net from the first drink which would AGAIN lead me to a place I didn’t want to return to. I “came to believe” that no human power could provide me a defense from the first drink. I began to accept with an open mind that this defense might come from a Higher Power of my choice.
There is a solution. I love how AA works.My first higher power was my home group. I was safe there from the first drink.. I kept coming back and I started to feel safe in the outside world. I saw first hand how this belief in a Higher Power was working in others lives . I watched people mend relationships, families come back together, peoples lives were actually changing right before my eyes! Thats when I decided “I WANTED WHAT THESE PEOPLE HAD”.
Sanity is a legal term denoting that an individual is of sound mind and therefore can bear legal responsibility for his or her actions. I didn’t feel very sane when I entered the rooms of AA. My life was on that downward spiral . Part of my insanity was for years and years I didn’t care. INSANITY!
The final hurdles. Defiance, self-righteousness,ego, loss of faith and hope, intellectualism, relying on self, and many more. I had to let go of these in order to get what these people in AA had.
I opened my mind, I became willing . That’s when it all began to happen. It felt good to have a power to rely on. I had a new friend. One that I could share openly with and HONESTLY with. A power that knew me better than I knew myself. I began to have a feeling of spirituality and I am returning to a more sane state of mind ( I guess that depends on who you talk to) .
The thing that I find incredible is …the life I wanted and was chasing while I was out there “researching” I have found beyond my wildest dreams in recovery.
Lao Tzu stated “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step”. I have found 12 that have changed my life.
Bill B
Bend, OR
